Arrested Development "Quote of the Day"

Tobias: [showing Maeby's birth pictures] And here you are coming out of your mother's third base.

Jack Radley?

In a previous post, Boo Radley was discussed, outed, and put on notice. This past weekend, a new twist to Boo's story presented itself. Boo Radley may in fact have a brother living in Glen Ellyn, Illinois. One Jack "The Bastard" Radley was discovered at the Village Links Golf Course in Glen Ellyn and bore a striking resemblance as well as portrayed several character traits that were similar to those of his possible kin Boo.

Jack was not cordial or "socially acceptable" in the least, and he was a huge bastard. Meeting Jack consisted of the first tee's starter telling us he would be our fourth for the round, and introduced us to Jack. Upon greeting and shaking Jack's hand we were given a lisp-riddle hello and a look straight at the ground. Initially we thought that just to be nerves of meeting 3 guys he had never seen before and noticing that the 3 of them were going to be drinking over the course of 18 holes and wasn't sure what to expect from them. On the fairway of the 4th hole we were on to something...

One of us hit our 4th hole par 3 tee shot on to a different hole's tee box. Naturally he wanted no part in going to get it and showing his face to those he almost hit. So Jack decided that after the hole he would run and see if he could find it. While walking back to the 5th tee the bastard signaled as if he didn't find the ball. When he got closer I asked him, "So Jack did you find his ball up there?". The damn bastard replied "Nope", and proceeded to casually take my friends ball out of his pocket and slip it into his bag. All three of us noticed, but Jack didn't know we were on to him. That bastard continued with his round, providing scattered events of humor for those of us watching. The golf swing he possessed was more apt for the ice, as it was more of a slap shot than a golf swing.

Fast forward to the 16th hole...One of us hits our ball in the fairway but it is on the downside of a slope and we cannot see it from the tee but we know where the ball should be. Jack is up ahead and when we arrive at the location the ball should be at, it is not there. Jack has a hunch that the ball somehow rolled into the water, which was close, but not close enough for my buddies drive to have gone into the drink. Jack, the bastard, had taken another ball...

Boo Who?

A 'new' composer to the "Oh, Sure whynot!" dazzles in his debut...I give you "Guy"

Boo Radley - - Who is he really?

Many of us know Boo Radley from the novel “To Kill a Mocking Bird” and think of him solely as a fictional character but I am here to tell you that he is real and currently living in Chicago. Boo Radley (“Boo”) is currently living in Burton’s Place but has been living in Chicago for almost ten years now. He originally moved to Chicago in 1998 to the Wrigleyville area, a gimp. Boo is a gimp and tries to conceal his gimp-ness by living in dark, dilapidated, shit hole places. He was originally discovered by Robby and Guy. Robby and Guy proceeded to abuse this gimp for years for pure pleasure, always after a few beam and cokes. Boo, the gimp that he is, would never try to fight back because he is a gimp and can not defend himself. Boo obviously grew weary of these continuous beatings from Robby and moved into the Old Town area. He found a dark alley in Cobbler Square (a local shit hole in Old Town) where he lived for over 2 years. Shortly after his move he was recognized by Bob, one of Robby and Guy’s friends. Bob recognized him from his old run down basement where he used to take part in some of the beatings with Robby. He also remembered peeing all over Boo’s house. At first sight Bob beat the crap out of this gimp and then proceeded to call Robby who came over, got drunk, blacked out and then beat this gimp again and again. After the winter of 2007, the gimp (Boo) moved to the top floor of Burton’s place (since he moved there the doors have been chained shut, locking him in). No one knows what boo does up there, probably Gimp things. But I believe that he spends most of his days laying there in his filth and trying to catch rats.

-Guy

HAHAHA

The picture to the right is from a WNBA game last night were a fight broke out in the end. Part of the article is below...

On the next possession, Parker got tangled up with Detroit’s Plenette Pierson and fell to the ground. As she was getting up, Pierson intentionally ran into her, setting off the melee.

Parker threw a punch at Pierson before being tackled by Detroit’s Deanna Nolan. Players and coaches from both teams joined in, and Rick Mahorn knocked Lisa Leslie to the court at one point.

“I was trying to protect the whole game, the integrity of the game,” he said. “The WNBA is very special to me because I have four daughters. I don’t even raise my hand to them, and I would never push a woman. This game, I love this game too much.”

...Not sure what kind of counseling that will require...

Arrested Development "Quote of the Day"

Jessie: There are very few intelligent, attractive, and straight men in this town.

Tobias: Well, that certainly leaves me out.

[awkward pause, everyone looks at Tobias]

Tobias: You said single, right? She said single.

Sheffield Garden Walk Weekend - A Look Back (CONT)

Saturday...

If you read the previous post you already know that mine and Friend's Saturday has already been quite a long day.

We get going again around 11am. I head over to the party venue and Friend meets me there after finding a new place to live, which ends up being a few houses down from the party locale...Congrats!

At this point neither of us are in the mood for anything alcoholic. Upon entering the party apt, I smell something that almost sent me right for a trash can. After asking my buddy what this was, I receive this answer..
"Oh its Jungle Juice!"
Me "Oh shit, yea I should know that"
Buddy "Yea its pretty potent too....Handle and a half of Morgan, Handle of Bacardi, and (2) Handles of Everclear" He says with a grin.
Me "Well this should be a fun day"

The Kegs and Juice were out and ready by about 12:30pm and the people started to flock in. The cops tried keeping people in the yards and off the streets by giving out tickets but they were soon overwhelmed and just gave up. Things that were interesting throughout the day...

1. The fruit that had been soaking in the Jungle Juice since the night before came out to being the equivalent to shot per piece of fruit. So when several people we taking full glasses of Juice it made for quite the scene. And the fruit was like a ticking time bomb, the apples being the strongest of all. Each time someone took a piece and put it in there mouth, they claimed it wasn't so bad. THEN a few seconds later the faces abruptly changed to painful grimaces. Priceless.

2. Goldfish Throwing Contest...Get a Costco sized bag of goldfish and see how many people's cups you can throw them into without them noticing. Very fun.

3. I congratulated a guy for trying to start a new fashion trend. Black Under Armour long sleeve mock turtle neck with a Gold "$" sign necklace hanging down to his waist. He didn't get it, which made it THAT much better.

The day went on for a long time, with about 7 rain delays....but all in all a great day. Wish I could have lasted longer, but the 930am wake up call after going to bed at 7am was quite taxing. If you ask me if I'd do it again, I'd probably reply, Sure Whynot!

Sheffield Garden Walk Weekend - A Look Back

Names will be omitted for obvious reasons and will be replaced with general names/terms.

FRIDAY.....

Planning on an easy night in before the Garden Walk on Saturday was the plan...That plan was promptly averted when I was asked to bring over a case of Miller Lite to a buddies so that he and I, 2 people, could drink it before we went out. So much for resting up. At 1030, we arrive at a recently 'restocked' establishment called Zella's. The main draw in the summertime is the large patio, and thats why we went. After 2 hours of consumption and nothing to look at, we head to Mad River for a friend's BDay. If you are over 25 and enter Mad River, YES, you should feel a little awkward just based on the age of the crowd, BUT you should feel great becuase of the age of the crowd at the same time. On to the good part(s)...

1230am : Friend "Hey get me a Beam and Coke"
Me " Ok"
Friend (after taking a sip of the drink I procured) "Yuck, what is this?!?!?!"
Me "Its a double jack with a splash of Coke, its close enough, drink it." (This set the tone for the rest of the evening)

We leave Mad River at approximately, 130, Im guessing...

2:00am : Arrive at a female friends house, where a certain "Guy" and other friends are hanging out.
Me "Guy, why are you punching Steve in the nuts?"
Guy "Because its fun and he is passed out"

2:30am : Leave with a female friend from that location and head to Butch McGuires where Friend went, so I was meeting him back there. A few more drinks ensue, last call shortly follows and we are then standing in line at the local grease pit waiting for our gyros and fries.

AND IT BEGINS...

3:45am: We start the walk home...and up ahead there is something in the distance.
Me "Are those three girls just sitting on the ground, they look good from here"
Friend "Yes they are, and yes they are good looking"
We approach them
Friend "Why are you three sitting on the ground?"
Girl1 "We are waiting for a cab, what are you guys eating?"
Me "Gyros and fries, want some fries?"
Girl3 "Yes!!!"
After a min of eating
Friend "So where are you 3 up to after this?" (which was great seeing as it was 4am and they were clearly in no shape to do anything)
Girl2 "We want to swim in the fountain" ( BING BONG, HELLOOOO!!)
Me "You should definitely do that!"
Girls devour the fries and we help them over to the park to the fountain. 2 of them promptly derobe down to their delicates and jump in, resting their clothes on the railing thats there to keep people out of the fountain. The 3rd girl however is a little reluctant, but then gives in and as she is taking her clothes off...
Girl3 "You guys I'm not slutty so please dont think that about me...Oh my god!! Will I lose my job if I get caught?!"
Me & Friend(in unison) "No, get in there"
Not a minute later Friend and I are sitting on the park bench eating our gyros as we watch 3 girls frolic around in the fountain. Friend and I look at each other with a "WTF" grin and just shrug and continue to eat. Then the girls want pictures and start a makeshift photoshoot session. After about 20 min they have had enough and start to exit the fountain. BUT they are soaked and dont want to put their 'going out' clothes back on. Friend loans one of them a shirt which she wears only with her high heels and thats her outfit. Another girl just sucks it up and puts her clothes back on. And the last girl decides clothes arent her style at 4:30 in the morning. So she walks in her thong, bra and heels back to Friends apartment which is a block away.
Upon enter the building, the doorman's night is instant made. The girls hug him, tell him he's the best doorman ever, etc...We ask him if the pool is open and he says that we will have to wait a few min since it does not open until 5am. Fair enough, hey everyone lets go drink some more, we havent done that enough yet right? Half hour later, 5am, we barge into the pool and hot tub. There was a slight lull in the energy at this point since everyone was a little out of it. Then a make shift game of "500" took place in the pool which was interesting, and after that back upstairs to change, say our goodbyes, etc...
After they exit Friend and I sit there for a good 20 min with a blank stare trying to figure out what just happened. At this point it is 6:45am and we are dead, knowing full well we have to be up in a few hours and go help set up for a Garden Walk party that will solely consist of drinking all day long...Sure, Whynot!!

Arrested Development "Quote of the Day"

Tobias: I should call the Hot Cops and tell them to dress up as something more nautically themed. Hot sailors maybe. Or better yet, hot sea-

Michael: I like hot sailors.

Tobias: Mmmm, me too.

The weekend cannot come soon enough....

In honor of this weekend's, Sheffield Garden Walk, I have created a shirt that puts it ALL in perspective.

I Love BYOBDays

If you are heading out to a friends BYOB birthday party, please take the following rules/guidelines into consideration. They might just save your life/liver/night.


1. Its BYOB, NOT BYOBP...Bring Your Own Bottle of Patron. Needless to say either someone will end up running 'provacatively' down the street, passing out at the table, OR spilling drinks all over the floor, requiring a "Wet Floor" sign to be erected.

2. If you can help it, try not to attend BYOB BDays that start before 6:31pm CST.

3. As a rule of thumb, its generally not a good idea to text your buddy during dinner while he's at the same table. Take it a step further...its usually not a good idea to text that same buddy about what you would like to "do" to his date while shes sitting right next to him.

4. Females and sports banter at the table dont mix..."Richard Harden? Wait what? (3 min pass) OH Dick Harden, I got it!! HAHA..."

5a. If your waiter(ess) happens to be on the fence about their sexuality please do NOT burst out laughing right in his face when he starts reciting the specials. Lisps are super silly!

5b. Do what you can to hold it together when the same waiter asks you not to worry about fitting all the food on the table by saying, "Dont worry we slip all 6 inches in there".

6. Certain people require "help" while drinking. By "help" this can mean a variety of things. In this instance it is in reference to "punching someone after they do a shot, for god knows what reason". Do this immediately upon request.

7. If you by chance happen to throw salt over your shoulder onto someone "not as physically appealing" as yourself, heads up. Buying them a drink will not work. They will continue to bitch about it, until you compliment her on her top AND buy her a drink.

8. Girlfriends or any girl for that matter do not like it when you bring up the following topic at the dinner table full of people they aren't totally friends with... "The first time you farted around me".

9. $100 bottles of wine HAVE to be consumed, make sure its the first bottle opened upon sitting down. Dont leave it until the end. It will probably end up being given to the waiter who will do god knows what with it.

10. If there is an attractive lady sitting across from you, mind your eyes. Getting caught "peaking" once or even three times over the course of dinner isnt bad. If this turns into 1-3 times a minute there might be problems. And dont f*#king kick the guy next to you say "OHHH it almost slipped out!", that will just prompt him to lie and tell you that you missed "it" while you were in the bathroom.

11. When eating sushi, dont use a fork.

12. If you cannot pronounce what you want to order at a Sushi place, you probably shouldnt be getting it. Odds are you will end up with some spicy, dark colored meat that has the same effect the day after as 26 bowls of Grape Nuts.

13. Control your urges to use a bottle of Soy Sauce on each bite.

If you are in a group that finished the bottle of Patron before dinner, I bid you good luck on the rest of the evening.

Ok Nintendo has something here. The exercise portion is really good as is the coordination portion. However the best deals in the strength and cardio sections. The Soccer game by far is quite a laugh, add alcohol and it hilarious. Hula hooping is well worth it if you are watching someone extremely uncoordinated and/or intoxicated.

Shortcomings of the device...it says that my body is the body of a 44 year old.