I Love BYOBDays

If you are heading out to a friends BYOB birthday party, please take the following rules/guidelines into consideration. They might just save your life/liver/night.


1. Its BYOB, NOT BYOBP...Bring Your Own Bottle of Patron. Needless to say either someone will end up running 'provacatively' down the street, passing out at the table, OR spilling drinks all over the floor, requiring a "Wet Floor" sign to be erected.

2. If you can help it, try not to attend BYOB BDays that start before 6:31pm CST.

3. As a rule of thumb, its generally not a good idea to text your buddy during dinner while he's at the same table. Take it a step further...its usually not a good idea to text that same buddy about what you would like to "do" to his date while shes sitting right next to him.

4. Females and sports banter at the table dont mix..."Richard Harden? Wait what? (3 min pass) OH Dick Harden, I got it!! HAHA..."

5a. If your waiter(ess) happens to be on the fence about their sexuality please do NOT burst out laughing right in his face when he starts reciting the specials. Lisps are super silly!

5b. Do what you can to hold it together when the same waiter asks you not to worry about fitting all the food on the table by saying, "Dont worry we slip all 6 inches in there".

6. Certain people require "help" while drinking. By "help" this can mean a variety of things. In this instance it is in reference to "punching someone after they do a shot, for god knows what reason". Do this immediately upon request.

7. If you by chance happen to throw salt over your shoulder onto someone "not as physically appealing" as yourself, heads up. Buying them a drink will not work. They will continue to bitch about it, until you compliment her on her top AND buy her a drink.

8. Girlfriends or any girl for that matter do not like it when you bring up the following topic at the dinner table full of people they aren't totally friends with... "The first time you farted around me".

9. $100 bottles of wine HAVE to be consumed, make sure its the first bottle opened upon sitting down. Dont leave it until the end. It will probably end up being given to the waiter who will do god knows what with it.

10. If there is an attractive lady sitting across from you, mind your eyes. Getting caught "peaking" once or even three times over the course of dinner isnt bad. If this turns into 1-3 times a minute there might be problems. And dont f*#king kick the guy next to you say "OHHH it almost slipped out!", that will just prompt him to lie and tell you that you missed "it" while you were in the bathroom.

11. When eating sushi, dont use a fork.

12. If you cannot pronounce what you want to order at a Sushi place, you probably shouldnt be getting it. Odds are you will end up with some spicy, dark colored meat that has the same effect the day after as 26 bowls of Grape Nuts.

13. Control your urges to use a bottle of Soy Sauce on each bite.

If you are in a group that finished the bottle of Patron before dinner, I bid you good luck on the rest of the evening.